🗓️ the much needed lesson of the year

for as long as anyone could remember, i was a perfectionist. whether it was a hand turkey during thanksgiving, or just reorganizing a bookshelf probably for the tenth time of the year, it HAD to be just right. i would love to tell you it was that simple and there was logic to it, but most of it didn’t unfortunately. i started thinking that if it was not perfect, i did not need to do it or i kept redoing it until it was right. 

now, at first glance, sure, this might seem like an important strength - i made sure everything was done right and to the best of my ability. people around me would compliment my results and i would shrug it off as nothing. but what they didn’t see, was the internal struggle i had at the most simplest tasks, the hours i spent obsessing over a certain font on flyers, the constant fear of failure if something i was doing was not turning out like i envisioned, and dealing with the high standards i had placed for myself. 

but after a couple of experiences, and a couple of semesters of the real world, i came to a tough realization: the details i work so hard about don’t matter as much in the real world. people want to hear my ideas and how they can impact others. i had spent so much time and energy on the aesthetics that i started to appreciate the idea that was presented less. even projects i was excited to put forth began to feel like an overbearing task to complete. i started to realize i was putting time and effort into this ideal i imagined that really didn’t exist. i was creating this ideal for myself without even realizing, something that i later realized was holding me back. 

after many experiences, i started making the conscious effort to stay away from the old tendencies. something that stuck with me throughout the year that helped me make changes was “done is better than perfect” said by sheryl sandberg. i am not going to lie and say it was easy and comfortable, it was not, but i knew it had to be done. with time, i started to appreciate this new found freedom. i was free to try so many new things without this fear of ‘failing’ or falling short of expectations. i was able to experiment with different mediums of hobbies, something that i stayed away from before. at first, i was frustrated still with the little things within the process, but i made it an effort to keep going no matter what. at the end, i learned the joy of creating something, yes, maybe not exactly perfect, but something that meant more to me. 

there are still moments that i have to catch myself obsessing over the smaller details, or hesitating to do something out of fear of imperfection, but i have learned how to deal with these tendencies to remind myself what actually matters is ahead. i know i can’t say much because i’ve only lived so much, but something i have learned this year is that life is not flawless whatsoever, and i have grown to agree that i would not mine to be at all. i want to look back to self growth in becoming my most authentic self. 

as i end this post, i want to ask any fellow perfectionists to take a step back, and think about something: is your pursuit of perfection helping you, or holding you back? this is something i asked myself that turned out helping me for the better, because at the end of the day, its the smudges, the cracks in clay, and the loose threads that makes us unique.

~ ☀️